(Nipple Bite Toss Championship!)
ライセンス (License, a pair young-ish comedians made up of:)
- 藤原一裕 (Fujiwara Kazuhiro)
- 井本貴史 (Inomoto Takafumi)
Soon, Downtown's manager ( 織田直也, Orita Naoya）arrives bearing an elegant letter from Matsumoto. "It's been a while..." muses Hamada, before opening and reading it. The letter, in elegant metaphor, invites the crew to yet another Matsumoto "Technician" (sexual technique) challenge.
On the letter is a map marked not only with a rendezvous point, but also numerous landmarks, all of which refer to the Maseki Genousha talent agency. These include:
- The headquaters of Maseki Genousha (talent agency)
- The home of 出川 哲朗: Degawa Tetsuro. An all-too-familiar tv comedian, also represented at Maseki Talent agency.
- The home of ウッチャンナンチャン: (UchanNanchan or UriNari) Another pair of (not quite so famous) comedians, employed by the Maseki talent agency.
Lastly, the Rendezvous point is marked as across the street from the home of 内海桂子: Utsumi Keiko, a female and quite elderly Manzai performer for Maseki Talent agency.
"Didn't he LOSE the last time we did this?" says Hamada, and Tanaka is quick to confirm. They're quite right. As the clip shows, during the previous ビーチク早吸いマッチ (Nipple Speed-Suck Match) Matsumoto lost, and as a punishment, had to perform the "だっちゅーの" ( dattyu--no! a gag made famous by a busty pair of comediennes known as the Pirates) into various weather (traffic) cameras around Tokyo.
As the regulars are led into studio G, they see Matsumoto, exercising in a "special" way approaching his one hundred quintillion and 9th repetition. Matsumoto then orders the regulars to line up properly and asks whether they are currently pleasing their "partners." Despite the fact that he's not wearing any, Matsumoto refers to Yamasaki as "Four-eyes" ( "megane," or "glasses" a traditional Japanese domineering nickname) and asks if he flirts ("makes out") with his "partner." Yamasaki, having been married for more than 10 years, doesn't quite do that any more, however.
The questions continue: Matsumoto asks if Yamasaki is the the "Suck type" or the "Bite type."
Yamasaki: "Of what--?"
Matsumoto: "NIPPLES!"
Matsumoto then commands everyone to reveal (in this order) Their age, (Chinese) Birth Sign, and Suck/Bite type. The results are as follows:
- Matsumoto: 48 - Rabbit - Suck
- Hamada: 48 - Rabbit -Whichever
- Yamasaki: 43 - Monkey - Suck
- Endou: 40 - Boar - Bite
- Tanaka: 40- Boar -Suck
- Fujiwara: 34 - Snake - Bite
- Inomoto: 33 - Ox -Bite
Matsumoto then tells the "biters" (rather forcefully) "Do not bite too much!" He has collected them together today to teach them the art of biting (nipples) easily, and when to let (and not let) them go. Thus opens the "Nipple Bite Toss Championship!"
As the curtain drops away, we note that a short snippet of the enjoyable song "銃爪" (hikigane) is played in the background.
The rules are as follows:
- From atop the bed, bite the doll's nipples and (without hands, mind you) toss it some distance.
- The farthest of two tries will count per person, and the smallest distance will receive punishment!
The competition begins, (refereed by judges Producer Nakamura (中村) and Producer Onuma (大沼) ) and the results are:
| Endou | 60cm | 5m77cm |
| Tanaka | Foul | 3m86cm |
| Hamada | 3m50cm | 3m68cm |
| Fujiwara | 4m 8cm | 4m 93cm |
| Inomoto | 3m 90cm | 4m76cm |
| Yamasaki | 3m 46cm | 3m59cm |
| Matsumoto | 1m22cm | 2m30cm |
Most goes well, but when it's (finally) Matsumoto's turn to go, he first can't decide which "nipple" to bite. After his poor first performance, he questions whether his doll's "nipples" were strange.
At the end, it comes down to a contest between Yamasaki and Matsumoto. Thus Yamasaki watches closely to make sure Matsumoto does not bite too much of the doll's breast during his throw. When he bites too much Matsumoto protests "There isn't any nipple!" and "the rule is unclear!"
His last throw being only 2m30cm, Matsumoto loses, and must receive his punishment: "Falling asleep on a street corner while reading the magazine Nipples Weekly!"
Yes "Nipple Weekly: The Magazine of Men's Nipple Fashion!"
It would be an understatement to say that Matsumoto is reluctant to accept the punishment. As the other slink away, he's left yelling "Hamada-- you do it!"
Thus begins the very enjoyable punishment, with Matsumoto pretending to sleep while reading "Nipples Weekly" to the appropriate sounds of Culture Club.
The places he "falls asleep" at are:
- Aoyama FranFranc which is here: +35° 39' 59.03", +139° 42' 49.98" but must be of recent build, since it doesn't seem to be represented on Google Maps.
- A "nonstop bus" going to "Resort Parking." I can't seem to pin this down any more.
- Ebisu Garden Place, approximately here: +35° 38' 32.86", +139° 42' 49.37"
Episode Analysis:
It's been three years since the last one, but here comes another Matsumoto "Technician" challenge.
The previous outings have been:
I was very pleased to see this series return. After the somewhat sweet shows of late (Heipo Camping) it was refreshing for the show to return to something just outside the bounds of good taste. Similarly, there haven't been any very good punishments as of late, and the punishment dealt to Matsumoto (despite his overly comedic protestations) was one of the best in quite some time.
The whole point of the "Technician" challenges seems to mock excessive sexual posturing, and Matsumoto's assumption of the "swinger" role is always entertaining. With his high-backed wicker chair, brandy, cigars, and guru-like bearing, he presents somewhat ridiculous Japanese ideal of the worldly louche and suave sophisticate. It would seem this character would fit into the Gaki style of humor in two ways. For one, it is quite nostalgic, and gives the same thrill as a somewhat outdated but fondly remembered television show or song. And secondly it allows an easy, somewhat cheap, though still entertaining, exercise in simple prurience.
It's been three years since the last one, but here comes another Matsumoto "Technician" challenge.
The previous outings have been:
| ShowNumber | Date | Title | Loser |
| #820 | 26AUG2006 | ブラホックはずし対決 Bra-Unhooking Competition | Tanaka |
| #841 | 4FEB2007 | ビーチクいじりマッチ Nipple Tweaking Match | Tanaka |
| #855 | 20MAY2007 | パンツ脱がし対決 Panties Removal Competition | Endou |
| #871 | 16SEPT2007 | スピードキスマッチ Speed Kissing Match | Tanaka |
| #911 | 6JUL2008 | 昇天！腰振りマッチ The Ascension! Pelvic Movement Match! | Tanaka |
| #924 | 5OCT2008 | 激烈！ビーチク早吸いマッチ It's Wild! Nipple Speed Suck Match. | Matsumoto |
I was very pleased to see this series return. After the somewhat sweet shows of late (Heipo Camping) it was refreshing for the show to return to something just outside the bounds of good taste. Similarly, there haven't been any very good punishments as of late, and the punishment dealt to Matsumoto (despite his overly comedic protestations) was one of the best in quite some time.
The whole point of the "Technician" challenges seems to mock excessive sexual posturing, and Matsumoto's assumption of the "swinger" role is always entertaining. With his high-backed wicker chair, brandy, cigars, and guru-like bearing, he presents somewhat ridiculous Japanese ideal of the worldly louche and suave sophisticate. It would seem this character would fit into the Gaki style of humor in two ways. For one, it is quite nostalgic, and gives the same thrill as a somewhat outdated but fondly remembered television show or song. And secondly it allows an easy, somewhat cheap, though still entertaining, exercise in simple prurience.
Thank you for the post! Informative as always. :)
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