No Laughing Airport HOUR FOUR

ガキの使い 絶対に笑ってはいけない空港24時!
Gaki No Tsukai Absolutely No Laughing Airport 24 Hours

Guests During Hour Four (9:30pm to 10:30pm): VIEW

This continues my catalog of the numerous guests during the New Year's Eve GnT broadcast.

The centerpiece of this hour is another (very welcome) session of the 豆絞りの会　"MameShibori(spotted pattern washcloth) Club" in which the members torture themselves in various ways. It's a welcome and hilarious return.

ローラ(Lola)

Lola, Bangladashi/Japanese (and Russian) model makes a brief appearance.

関根勤(Sekine Tsutomu)

Although for this appearance, he's dressed as an old man, you might remember Sekine as the referee for the GnT Jan-Ken-Pon Tournaments.

2700

I'd prevously seen the combi "2700" on several variety programs, doing largely the same act. It wasn't funny there either. 2700 is comprised of Yasoshima Hiroyuki(八十島弘行) and Tsune(ツネ).

チャド・マレーン

He's thankfully not given any lines, but Junior Gaijin Geinin Chad Marren(?) makes an appearance as a foreign pilot.

This is his first appearance on the show since Matsumoto described his weird experience with him in episode #1083.

ケンドーコバヤシ(Kendo Kobayashi)

Taking charge of this year's MameShibori segment ("spotted pattern" or "Hand Towel Group") is certainly one of the most talented, witty and charismatic geinin working today. This segment doesn't really highlight his ability as a raconteur, but he always gives the impression of someone that would be great fun to be around.

クロちゃん(Kuro-Chyan)

A member of Yasuda-Great Circus (安田大サーカス) a three member comedy troupe, Kuro-Chyan appears to talk in a weird high-pitched voice.

His attempt to sustain a hit from a water-bottle-rocket uppercut device fails.

岩尾望(Iwao Nozomu)

Iwao, a member of Football Hour (フットボールアワー) is no stranger to GnT, having appeared very successfully in several of its funniest episodes over the last few years, most noticably episodes #1075 and #1076.

Iwao really outdoes himself this year, not only eating Udon in a washing machine, but dumping three buckets of hot wax over his head, which prompts Matsumoto to remark "He looks like a monster!"

田中卓志(Tanaka Takushi)

Tanaka of the combi Angaaruzu(アンガールズ), a very common and talented geinin keeps pace with Iwao throughout the segment.

原西孝幸(Haranishi Takayuki)

Haranishi, the very talented Boke from FUJIWARA here tries his hand at the "Battle Without Chopsticks" from episode #1080. It's just as funny here as it was there.

中村喜伸(Producer Nakamura Yoshinobu)

The legend Producer Nakamura, who so dominated the "Battle without Chopsticks" here tires his hand at something else.

He has 60 seconds to put the snake into the black box. Magic ensues.

出川哲朗(Degawa Tetsuro)

Degawa is now a standby on Japanese variety programs. He's perhaps the first Geinin I grew to know and recognize.

Here, Degawa endures gun-cotton being lit on his posterior. I really don't know how painful this is.

ワッキー(Wakki or "Wacky")

Wacky from Penalty(ぺナルティ) must endure a judo throw onto a tatami mat covered with spiky Kompeito candy. It's probably like stepping on Legos.

上島竜兵(Ueshima Ryouhei)

Ueshima is a standby for these MameShibori segments, although this year he seems to take a back seat to Kobayashi. Considering the abuse he's taken in previous years, I certainly don't blame him.

Here, however, he has compressed-air injected into his anus, in preparation for an arm wrestling match ("what kind of rules are these?" asks Hamada). It doesn't really get that far, however.

ほっしゃん(Hosshyan)

Very weird comedian Hosshyan also takes part in the compressed-air arm wrestling challenge. Hosshyan demonstrates far less bodily control than he has on other occasions.

遠藤ー家(The Endou family)

Endou's Mother, Father and Brother appear. It looks as though they've never met Matsumoto before.

DJ Koo

Korean-born(?) DJ Koo from the "band" TRF makes a short appearance. I'm unaware of its significance.

友近(Tomochika)

Talented female impressionist and comedian Tomochika once again reprises her "Pizza-cap" delivery man character 西尾一男 (Nishio Kazuo).

山口智充(Yamaguchi Tomomitsu)

Yamaguchi, a talented impressionist, first makes an appearance as mixed martial-artist Rickson Gracie, and then changes into 桑名正博(Kuwana Masahiro) singer of the very embarrassing Sexual Violet #1.

No Laughing Airport HOUR THREE

ガキの使い 絶対に笑ってはいけない空港24時!
Gaki No Tsukai Absolutely No Laughing Airport 24 Hours

Guests During Hour Three (8:30pm to 9:30pm): VIEW

This continues my catalog of the numerous guests during the New Year's Eve GnT broadcast.

This hour constituted the prime-time section of the six-hour spectacular, so it's no surprise that its centerpiece is a prime-time Japanese variety quiz show.

楳図かずお(Umezu Kazuo)

Perhaps it's fitting that Umezu is renowned for his horror comics, as here he looks horrific and does some fairly scary things for a 75 year old.

Just in case it's escaped you, this is the same Umezu that supplied two of the earlier Hamada portraits. He will appear again later in the program, so I'm guessing he's a major fan of GnT.

三田佳子(Mita Yoshiko)

Mita appears to be the Japanese equivalent of an academy-award winning actress.

Here, the primary joke seems to be that she questions the regulars regarding some hobby or habit of theirs, and upon hearing their answer, she says "Ah! Like 'celebrity X'!"

"Cabin Attendant" Quiz Show

優木まおみ(Yuuki Maomi)and
天野ひろゆき(Amano Hiroyuki)

Yuuki appears to be a "multi-talent" star of television, music and some movies.

Amano is much more familiar, being a regular on Lincoln and member of the combi Kyaiin(キャイ～ン).

キモイタリア航空 ("Disgustitalia Aviation" Team)

藤本敏史(Fujimoto Toshifumi) from FUJIWARA
塚地武雅(Tsukaji Muja) form "Drunk Dragon"(ドランクドラゴン)
鈴木拓(Suzuki Taku) from "Drunk Dragon"(ドランクドラゴン)
カンニング竹山 (Cunning Takeyama)
春日俊彰Kosuga Toshiaki from "Oodori or Audrey"(オードリー)

チュウネンタル航空 ("Middle Agian Aviation" team)

笑福亭笑瓶(Shokuhutei Shouhei)
千原せいじ(Chihara Seiji) from the Chihara Brothers(千原兄弟)
西田幸治(Nishida Kouji) from WaraiMeshi(笑い飯)
川島邦裕(Kawashima Kunihiro)from "Yasai Bakudan" or "Uncouth Bombshell"(野性爆弾)
木下隆行(Kinoshita Takayuki) from TKO.

オネールフランス航空 ("ONeal France Aviation" team)

I can't seem to unravel the pun in this team's name. Does it refer to "Older sister?" or vagina (due to the team's logo)?

The team members are also very familiar Gay/Crossdressing/transsexual celebrities from Japanese variety programs:
ミッツマングローブ(Mitz Mangrove)
はるな愛(Haruna Ai)
クリス松村(Chris Matsumura)
KABA．ちゃん(Kaba-Chyan)
真島茂樹(Majima Shigeki)

叶姉妹 (Kano Shimai or "the Kano Sisters")

The Kano sisters serve as judges of the competition. They are comprised of 叶美香(Kano Mika, reddish hair, on the right) and 叶恭子(Kano Kyouko, darker hair, one the left) and appear to have a rather fascinating, if tawdry, backstory.

藤岡弘(Fujioka Hiroshi)

Fujioka also serves as a judge (and is quite funny). He is most famous for playing the hero on the tokusatsu series Kamen Rider. Notice that Fujimoto (from Fujiwara) shouts out "I like coffee!" when he enters. This appears to be a reference to Fujioka selling "Fujioka Survival Coffee."

武田幸三(Takeda Kozo)

A renowned Japanese fighter and Thai Kickboxer (Muay Thai).

Oh. THAT guy.

Jimmy Onishi once again shines in his complete ignorance.

The first joke seems to be a play on　ロストバゲージ(RosutoBageeji or "lost baggage") versus　ローストチキン("Roosutochikin" or Roast Chicken). When a foreigner caller asks what to do about "Lost Baggage" Jimmy responds, "Would you prefer Chicken instead?"

The second joke concerns a girl who will soon graduate and wishes to become a Flight Attendant. Jimmy must explain the three rules of the flight attendant.

No Laughing Airport HOUR TWO

ガキの使い 絶対に笑ってはいけない空港24時!
Gaki No Tsukai Absolutely No Laughing Airport 24 Hours

Guests During Hour Two (7:30pm to 8:30pm): VIEW

This continues my catalog of the numerous guests during the New Year's Eve GnT broadcast.

Once again, since numerous translations of the show are pending, I'm making little effort to collect anything other than background information.

Portrait of Hamada by an anonymous Fine Arts student

I'm presenting these portraits of Hamada here, even though they are not "guests." It was my thought that they still represented some contribution to the show by (perhaps famous) individuals.

This image, however, was not apparently created by anyone of note. It still is rather striking, however.

Portrait of Hamada by a Street Portraitist

Similarly, this image was by a largely anonymous artist. It does still seem to be the most arresting of all the images.

Portrait of Hamada by 楳図 かずお(Umezu Kazuo)

This and the following image were contributed by reputable comic artist (and actor) Umezu Kazuo. I haven't read his work, but as will be noted later, he had a not inconsiderable contribution to this year's Batsu game. Perhaps more than any other guest.

Portrait of Hamada by 楳図 かずお(Umezu Kazuo)

白竜(Haku Ryuu or "White Dragon")

Okay! The next guest appears when Matsumoto presses a white button with the character 竜("Ryuu" or Dragon, as Matsumoto says) on it. This prompts Korean-born actor Haku Ryuu (literally, "White Dragon") to appear.

I really had no notion of Haku before his appearance, but he seems to have been involved in numerous film and television series based upon his character of "White Dragon." It's still unclear whether he's meant to be a fictional character or just an actor. Still, this is exactly the sort of question I'd hoped this catalog of guests would open.

高橋惠子(Takahashi Keiko)

Film actress Keiko Takahashi makes an appearance as the CA (Cabin Attendant) lead trainer, also quite a dominatrix.

Takahashi's appearance is quite well done. She comes in, announces her resume and then begins berate the regulars in quite filthy ways.

千秋(Chiaki)

Chiaki (Endou's former wife, they having divorced in 2007) makes her yearly appearance in the "キャビンアテンダント物語”("A Cabin Attendant's Tale") DVD that Tanaka plays.

Chiaki's participation in this year's batsu game is much larger than it's ever been. I'm unsure what this means, but her portrayal of a young girl trying to become a CA in this ridiculous ドラマ(Drama) parody is quite well done.

As usual, playing alongside Chiaki, is...

新おにぃ（前島浩一）Shin-Onii(Maejima Kouichi?)

Shin Onii continues to display a complete lack of acting ability in this drama parody.

Legend has it that Shin Onii was actually just an extra when chosen to play Chiaki's new husband for the Hotel Man batsu. His performance was such that he was brought back numerous times to amaze the regulars with his strange and inept impressions and acting ability.

Cast of キャビンアテンダント物語 ("A Cabin Attendant's Tale")

The following is a cast list of the Cabin Attendant's tale drama parody. Most are common television drama standbys.
比企理恵(Hiki Rie) as the first CA candidate.
高樹澪(Takaki Mio) as the second CA candidate.
いとうまい子(Ito Maiko) as the third CA candidate.
目黒祐樹(Meguro Yuuki) as Chiaki's (new) father. Her original father is obviously Producer Suga.
伊藤かずえ(Ito Kazue) as Chiaki's mother.
村松雄基(Muromatsu Toshifumi) as Chiaki's step brother.
原日出子(Hara Hideko) as Chiaki's bizarre stepsister.
山下真司(Shinji Yamashita) as another Airline director.
椿鬼奴(Tsubaki Oniyakko) as the woman without hands swearing revenge on Shin Onii.

渡辺直美(Watanabe Naomi) and
黒沢かずこ(Kurosawa Kazuko)

Watanabe and Kurosawa make their appearances doing impressions of Beyonce and Lady Gaga, respectively.

I had previously seen Watanabe do her Beyonce dance on an episdoe of Run For Money, and according to her wikipedia article, she's known as the "Beyonce of Japan."

Kurosawa (also of Morisanchuu) is, in my opinion, the best Japanese comedienne today. Her Shichi-Henge(episode #1066) is some evidence of this, but so is her presence in nearly every Batsu game for the last several years.

具志堅用高(Goshiken Youkou)

A nearly undefeated featherweight world champion boxer from the late 70's, Goshiken hails from Okinawa and has appeared on countless variety and television programs.

This is the first time I've seen him on GnT, but he's certainly been a regular on programs like Hexagon Quiz II and Run For Money.

武田修宏(Takeda Nobuhiro)

Tekada is a former Soccer player and now sports announcer for NTV.

He seems hilariously unprepared when asked to step up to the microphone.

X-GUN("Batsu-Gun")

I think this may be their first appearance in a Batsu game, but certainly 西尾季隆(Nishio Hidetaka, on the right) and さがね正裕(Sagane Masahiro, on the left) are no strangers to GnT or most variety programs. Their most important appearance was probably in episode #145, in which they demonstrated their verbose, uncomfortable, but obviously conceptual and "cutting edge" comedic style.

Here, they argue inappropriately about breaking up their colaboration. And Sagane's breath stinks as well.

No Laughing Airport HOUR ONE

ガキの使い 絶対に笑ってはいけない空港24時!
Gaki No Tsukai Absolutely No Laughing Airport 24 Hours

Approach:

As there will be a blessed surplus of direct translations and subtitled videos available for this episode in no great time, I've decided to try to catalog the somewhat large number of guest appearances during the show's six hours.

I'll be breaking this down into one hour sections to make the work more palatable, and may also record certain vocabulary I look up during the process.

Guests During Hour One (6:30pm to 7:30pm): VIEW

Bananaman

Familiar faces Shitara Osamu (設楽 統, on the left) and Himura Yuuki (日村 勇紀, on the right) appear dressed as young girls gossiping about Japanese Geinin (entertainers or comedians). Much more improbably, they're joined by:

伊藤 一朗 (Ito Ichiro)

Just as he's made appearances during several GnT "Grand-Prix" hidden camera competitions, Ito Ichiro, the guitarist and songwriter for Every Little Thing (ELT), makes an appearance.

大島美幸 (Oshima Miyuki)

The very familiar, odd-looking, though sometimes quite funny comedienne Oshima from the trio Morisanchuu makes an appearance as one of the victims of the underwear thief.

バービー (Barbie)

Barbie, a member of Fall In Love is also chasing the underwear thief. Although she's becoming a more familiar face, I've never seen her do anything terribly funny. Matsumoto seems to have a fascination with her, however.

吉高 由里子 (Yoshitaka Yuriko) and

藤森 慎吾(Fujimori Shingo)

Yoshitaka Yuriko (evidently an up-and-coming actress) and the quite odious Fujimori Shingo appear as a girl and her obnoxious boyfriend. I note this as one of Fujimori's few appearances on GnT (he seems common enough on Lincoln, but has he appeared on GnT before?) That is sweet relief, as he seems one of the most vile and contrived entertainers on current Japanese television. The word used to describe him (or his character) very often is "ちゃらい" (flashy, obsequious), but this has evidently made him somewhat popular on many programs. Regardless, I find him quite unfunny and loathsome.

梅沢 富美男(Umezawa Tomio)

Umezawa appears as Yoshitaka's father, and is abused by Fujimori, prompting him to break character and take mock offense.

I'm unfamiliar with Umezawa, but he's evidently a frequent actor on Japanese drama programs, and also a singer.

岡田圭右(Okada Keisuke)

Now we're talking! Always welcome, Okada from the combi Masuda-Okada brings back his embarassing and enjoyable character Happy Boy for the first time since last New Year's Eve.

This is doubly appropriate as he skipped this year's High Tension The Best of Ten shows. His appearance here, though not as enjoyable as watching him get shot last year, is still quite silly and therefore satisfying.

AMEMIYA and

小籔 千豊(Koyabu Kazutoyo)

AMEMIYA, a quite popular comedian and singer appears with another comedian playing his manager. AMEMIYA had a hit in 2011 with his folk-nonsense song "冷やし中華はじめました"("Begin the Chinese Cold Noodles"). The song introduces numerous odd lyrics into what appears to be a straightforward folk song.

It seems AMEMIYA is considering forming a duet with his friend, who turns out to be...

梅宮 辰夫(Umemiya Tatsuo)

Paying upon AMEMIYA's name, 60's actor Umemiya is introduced a possible partner. The only joke here seems to be the similarity in names, and the depths to which the evidently well-known actor has sunk.

Umemiya has a long filmography, but the only title that seems to stand out (to me, at least) is Kinji Fukusaku's "Battles Without Honor and Humanity."

マツコ・デラックス(Matsuko Deluxe)

Matsuko deluxe, popular obese transvestite newspaper columnist and now entertainer, makes her yearly appearance, although she seems to have graduated from a bus appearance.

As usual, she shows a hilariously inordinate interest in Endou, and a more hilarious hatred for Tanaka.

Matsuko is now seen quite regularly on several variety shows, including 有田とマツコと男と女 (Arita, Matsuko, Man, Woman) on TBS.